How I Think TIVA should Unfold
by CJ1872
Summary: my first go at a TIVA- i feel NCIS did a good job but i wish they exaggerated the Somalia situation a bit more, more drama and stuff. be honest, i want to be pro-fessional one day :D
1. Chapter 1

**What I wish happened …. I feel NCIS didn't drag it out as well as they should have….**

_**Scene where DiNozzo sits, tied to a chair, beaten and swelled. McGee was tied up, and on the floor beaten until unconscious. **_

**WHEN THEY MET AGAIN…..**

"McGee, you still ok?" Tony asked worried for McGoo's safety. All jokes aside, he was concerned.

"Yea I'm fine, are you?" his voice was low, you can hear the pain. They silenced any noise when they heard Salem behind the door.

"محمد، وجلب لها في وقت قريب"

"_Mohammad, bring her in shortly."_

What were they saying they both thought but refused to make a sound? The short man with a scruffy beard and beady eyes came in.

"Well Agent DiNozzo, you seemed to be telling the truth, even when I had your friend beaten. Even when I threaten your life, you tell the truth. Now tell me, why are you here? Knowing all too well that you were going to be captured, what is your mission?"

"Too see your face when you die!"

"Interesting, impossible but interesting. How about some incentive:"

جلب لها في_!_

_BRING HER IN!_

What did he say now; Tony even had the questioning look on his face in which Salem responded with a smirk. Tony stayed still and watched this horrible man pace. What was going to happen?

The two doors opened and what Tony saw scared him, who was this person being brought into the room on a wooden tray. Tony's mind was dazed and raked through and through so all he thought was blurry images. There was someone lying on the wooden table. Who was it?

McGee shifted slightly to see but remain invisible for that moment.

Suddenly everything made sense, Tony saw the same cargo pants he always stared at, during work always watching the legs inside those cargo pants move. The same cargo pants he wished to slip off during a heated moment with his beautiful co-worker. His eyes were on fire, tears threatened. He watched them rip the bag off of the head he now knows was Zivas'. The groan that came from her mouth was raw and burning through the silence of that room. She turned her head and nothing but shame reflected her face, hopelessness. She closed her eyes and stayed silent.

الكلام، واللحاق مع زملاء العمل الخاص بك. سأعود لمعرفة ما يدور حوله كل أو انه سوف يدفع.

"_Speak, catch up with your co-workers. i will be back to find out what this is all about or he will pay."_

She nodded and turned back to Tony after a hard breath in.

"Tony… I never expected you to be here?"

"Ziva, we couldn't move on without you… we are a team, a family." He winked the tears away quickly and held his breath and waited. He scanned what he could see of her horizontal, tied up body. Her face was black and blue, her eyes were red and puffy; there was dried blood everywhere he could see.

"You came back for me? I do not understand." She looked him up and down too, a reflex that she grew accustomed to. His face was bruised and his lips cracked and dry, bloody nose and ripped clothes.

"We couldn't… I couldn't live without you Ziva." He gave her a cocky smile but his eyes were on her, still trying to scan her body.

"McGee, are you alright?" she couldn't move so she just stared up into the ceiling, watched the crooked light move side to side.

In the cold, dead silence. The shuffling of McGee's feet moved around and he tried sitting up, he coughed and responded dryly. "I am fine, just pretending to sleep. Ziva are you alright?"

"I am fine. I am alive." Her eyes flickered around the room trying not to look at Tony, but he didn't take his eyes off of her.

"Are you?" Tony's voice was soft and placid, keeping his voice as low as possible.

She shook her head and looked at him "I am here am I not?" she never did get those types of questions, but Tony didn't want to correct her not now. "They are going to kill you two if you do not tell them what they want to hear. Please tell me."

"We thought you were dead Ziva, but I knew something was wrong, and I couldn't keep it to myself. We came for you, and we are leaving for _you_." The Truth serum had left his system but that didn't stop him. "We have a plan."

Just then Salem and 3 of his men walked in and they all had sly looks, winking at each other.

"Time for the truth, Agent Tony DiNozzo, tell me why you are here?" he held his hands behind his back. When Tony didn't answer and only smiled, Salem raised his hand and the man in the back jumped on Ziva and held a bag over her head whilst the other man poured a hose pipe of drizzling petrol over her face, all the room was filled was, was coughing but Ziva yelled, "DO NOT SAY ANYTHING…. FOR MY LIFE! SAVE YOURSELF!" it was muffled in between coughs and gags. The men stopped and he got off and moved to the back, the bag was taken off of her face and showed blackness almost everywhere.

Ziva was used to this abuse; she endured it 3 times a day for 4 months. She knows their routine, but was always surprised when they did assault her in some way. What came now was the whip, she knew this but all she could do at that point was look into Tony's eyes. The men untied her and pulled her to her feet that were so weak she could barely stand even with the abrasive support. She knew what was coming. "It is ok Tony, I can handle it." She felt that she needed to warn him, what she knew of him and his line of work before she met him, he was not educated personally on this method of torture, he may have seen it in movies but never directly. Ziva wished he would shut his eyes for this. She could see him struggle at his constraints, biting at his lips; and pain through his eyes as he pulled at the sharp rope cutting into him. The two men held my arms out wide from my side, and cut the back of my shirt open. The third man pulled out a long flimsy, tough leather whip and was ready to release pain onto her back when 3 ear-shattering shots rang out, the three men dead where they stood and when Tony found a confused look on a shocked Salem's face, he smiled and winked. Salem fell, gone to the world. Tony looked at McGee and then at a stunned Ziva. She pulled herself up and crawled over to McGee and helped him untie his constraints. He pulled free easily and moved quickly to Tony while Ziva searched for something to cover herself. She found a dirty, green scarf around one of the men's neck and pulled it over her bare back and held it closed.

"Are you okay Tony?" Ziva asked again. She couldn't read his face, all she thought she saw was embarrassment and awkwardness. This made her feel worse.

"Now that we can bring you home, I am better than ok." He smiled and pulled her up to her feet and helped her out the door. The three of them was back in NCIS mode, well Tony and McGee was. While Ziva was struggling to walk on her broken, abused feet the two agents became restless. McGee was at the back and Tony took the front, they walked dangerously slowly trying to keep her from hurting. Ziva took long to try and keep up with the two of them so Tony smiled at her and lifted her easily. She froze in his arms and he cleared his throat and put her down again. McGee cleared the awkwardness quickly by tugging them both along. They made it outside when 5 men focused their weapons on them. But they too were quickly gone from the world and the mystery savior revealed himself. Gibbs in sand attire to blend with the desert around them, Ziva almost didn't see him but soon found the small smile on his face and she almost fell again. Gibbs walked over to her and pulled her into an embrace, Tony tried to warn him but she held Gibbs in comfort but did not shed a tear.


	2. Chapter 2

**TIVA**

**Back home in the NCIS headquarters. Abby was sitting on Tony's desk chewing her nails, not taking her eyes off of the elevator. **

Tony and Gibbs helped Ziva into the car whilst McGee carried the luggage. He didn't complain this time, not under these circumstances.

The car ride back to NCIS headquarters was the longest it had ever been for Ziva, she couldn't keep her hands still and she kept her eyes on her lap, although she felt Tony's stare on her which made her feel really unsteady. None of them spoke. Not even when they were in the elevator. How was this going to change the dynamics of the team?

"TONY! TIMMY! GIBBS….ZIVA! You guys are finally here!" the silence was covered by the sound of 8 inch black, silver studded boots bouncing on the ground. All of the men were embraced for a while. Ziva stood silent until Abby enfolded Ziva into her arms. It was a quiet moment. However Ziva didn't return the hug as Abby wanted to they parted awkwardly.

"It is good to see you Abby… Ducky… Jimmy." Ziva smiled at all of them before retreating to the elevator.

"Where are you going Ziva?" Abby asked, grabbing at her.

"Ziva dear… I think you should be going to the hospital?"

Everyone watched as she turned back, she was terribly confused. Why couldn't she go home, why did they want her to go to a hospital, did she look that broken?

"I am filthy, I need to go home and shower and get clean clothes."

Everyone shifted on their feet. "Um… Ziva, you have no apartment remember? It was blown up…" Tony almost whispered the truth.

Ziva was thinking… what can go wrong before Tony said that her home was blown up.

"Okay, well then I will check into the Hotel." She was almost out of her cubicle when Abby got to her. She quickly changed the subject, trying to give Ziva some room to think.

"Don't be silly, you can stay with me; I'm sure I have something that you might like to wear temporarily." Abby was jumpy from her proposition, hoping Ziva would smile and hug and thank her. But that is not what she got. Ziva started shaking her head and waving her arms side to side.

"Abby that is very generous, you are too kind. But I refuse to be a burden on any of you. But maybe just for the night. I do not want to over stay my welcome." She smiled slowly which made Abby hug her longer.

The rest of the team watched Abby and Ziva leave, Tony watching her leave made his heart ache. It was a never ending story, Ziva and Tony together and then Tony watching her go.

**TIVA**

Later that night Abby was in her room blowing up a double mattress for Ziva as she sleeps comfortably in her coffin; Ziva even told her that she would easily take the couch because she didn't want to make trouble for her friend. Abby carried on with what she was doing. Ziva moved around the house and was looking at all the picture frames hung on the walls behind the TV, her childhood days, and a shrine for her parents who had died years ago. This made Ziva choke back unwanted tears; remembering her mother and sister's photos that she kept in her room… that were now burnt to a crisp. "This is beautiful Abby, I forgot how wonderfully decorated your home is." They have had movie nights at each other's homes but months of not seeing, talking to her co-workers she forgot those memories. Memories she wished would pour back into her mind so she would forget these images and things she endured in Somalia.

"Ziva, I think I should take you to the Hospital?" Abby wasn't sure how to ask, she didn't want Ziva to be physically hurt and endanger.

"But we are already here?"

"It's not a big deal, its close. I just want you to be okay." Abby pulled on her coat and they were out the door, even though Ziva really didn't want to go.

**TIVA**

Tony opened his door to his empty apartment, threw everything down in the corner of his hallway and walked in slowly not really wanting to be here. Two things on his mind; a shower, and what Ziva was doing? He stepped into his shower and let the water wash away everything; the shower drain was full of sand and other things and he couldn't figure out how he had so much sand on him. After 2 and a half hour of standing in the water, he finally rinsed all the sand off. After another half hour Tony had finished washing and got out and got into comfortable clothes. Gibbs called then.

"DiNozzo, hello?"

"DiNozzo you are off for 4 days, mandatory psych evaluations, Monday to Friday. Get some sleep."

"Yes boss, um… Boss did you speak to Ziva at all since she left?"

"I spoke with Abby, she wanted Ziva to get checked out, and so they are at the hospital." He clicked the phone dead, never much for small talk. Tony's heart sank, he wanted to go and see if she was alright. So he changed and was on his way within 5 minutes of getting the call.

**TIVA**

"Abby, do you mind if I go in by myself, it is not easy for me." Abby nodded and left to go wait in the waiting room where Tony had arrived.

"Abs… is she ok, what happened?" he grabbed her arms and was frantic.

"Tony, Tony, Tony calm down… I need to know that she's ok so I forced her to come with me. It's just to give us all a piece of mind." They sat hand in hand while they waited. They felt as if they waited for an hour but it wasn't even 20 minutes.

Ziva sat on the edge of the bed kicking her feet together, staying quiet.

"Ziva David, what can I_" the doctor stopped talking as soon as she saw Ziva, dirty, bloody and bruised.

"Dah-veed… Thank you for seeing me, I know you aren't on call so late at night."

"Dear God!" her eyes were wide and then went back to normal and professional. "I am so sorry Miss Dah-veed, I don't mean to be so unprofessional… anyway let's get started… tell me how this happen?" she sat down and looked up at Ziva who was biting her lip. "I need to know so I know what to search for."

"I am a Federal Agent and I was held captive in Somalia, my co-workers who are the closest thing I have to family are making me do this."

"I see, so you only came home today?"

"Yes."

"I see, when did you… when… uh… when did this happen?" the Doctor was a loss for words… she has had a few patients with trauma in their lives but never so… horrendous. And the Doctor didn't even get the whole story, just what was vital for her to know medically. She was glad for that.

"June… it's been four months." Ziva held her composure, she felt enough tears had shed over the many months; she shouldn't have to cry here as well.

"Well I am very happy that you made it… I apologize if I am off my game… I've never had a case like this… so bear with me if you will."

"Of course; I do not want to be here. My friends want me to get checked out… okay well I want to know if I am healthy… no diseases. I was kept out of the sun since I was captured. I know I have a few broken; and fractured bones." She stayed neutral, while tears are forming in the Doctor's eyes.

"Well… before we get personal, my name is Anna. No formalities needed with me. I will be your Doctor throughout everything… follow ups, your gynecology appointments, everything medical you will be coming to me. Are you alright? You seem flustered."

Ziva shook her head and stood up and moved towards the door. "It is too much, I …. I do not want to be here." Anna held her hand out for Ziva and told her:

"Ziva, I want to make everything your feeling go away; believe me I do. But for now I can make the physical things more bearable. Please don't leave."

The two women stood staring at each other, and Anna moved to the door to close it again and moved to the cabinet to pull out a change of hospital gowns. Ziva grabbed it and changed in the bathroom while Anna prepared her camera and notebook. "Please place your clothes into this bag for processing."

"That would not be necessary, they are all dead."

Anna's face, stunned from her patient's calmness after saying that. "Oh, well it is important to find other particulars, for medical purposes as well." She smiled and Ziva did as she was asked. "Let's get the worst over with, please lie down and put your feet on these stirrups, I promise I will get this done as fast as I can."

"Pardon if this might sound rude, but are you qualified for everything I'm asking you to do?" she smiled shyly and prepared her legs.

"I understand your worry; I am a qualified OBGYN and General surgeon. Trust me." Ziva smiled and her jaw clenched as Anna prepared. Her eyes were closed from the start. Anna pulled out a scary tools and she checked for tenderness, swelling, bruising and abnormal sores. The entire process of this was terrible for Ziva even though she has had done this before but this was a million times worse.

"That hurts where you are pushing." Ziva tried not to say anything but it was really painful.

"I apologize, okay well that needs to be monitored, even personally every few nights you can check it yourself and it should soon heal up."

Anna checked for other spots and she took samples and a urine test and a blood test. She stood and asked Ziva to take her gown off. Are very hesitant Ziva shut her eyes and did what she was told. She stood in the center of the room with her arms out to the side; she was naked and most uncomfortable. Anna was on her knees and started taking photos of every single thing she thought might be important. And she started cleaning the wounds on Ziva's legs and found restraint marks around the ankles and deep cuts under her feet; a very easy and terrible technique of torturing someone in many countries. When the legs were tended to and given cream to keep the infection from spreading, Anna began again at Ziva's stomach, swabbing and nurturing. It was something Anna has never seen, she counted light, shallow slashes of most likely a surgical knife type weapon about 10 scattered all of her front. Ziva's neck was next in line. Anna was stuck and asked Ziva what they did.

"They tied a heavy, chain around my neck, connected to my waist and it was short and so I could only move about a meter out of my area then it would start pulling and pinching my skin."

"I hate that this happened to you, I will make sure everything heals 100% now, this will just naturally heal, the nits of skin that came off will regrow and it will take a good couple of months for it to heal properly. I will give you all the medicines, creams that you need. Now turn around and tie your hair up." Anna was looking at the her chart ticking off everything she checked and lifted her glasses close to her eyes only to be shocked speechless. "Oh dear Ziva Ok, this will sting quite a bit, and this will take longer to heal and you need to keep this covered with bandages, you will need assistance so ask someone in your family or a loved one." She changed her gloves and started swabbing and cleaning all the dirt and deeply imbedded glass in the wounds. Anna held her breath the whole way through, wanting to be sick.

Ziva has always been a stunning woman, her looks were her asset, her training too but her looks got her in the door. She was worried when she could be in her underclothes. "When will the scars not be noticeable?"

"It is possible Ziva, never think it isn't. If you use the medication and the creams properly and bio-oil after they have healed, I give it over half a year, I know its long but it's possible." Anna smiled tentatively and waited for Ziva to say something but she didn't. "I am all done; all your wounds have been thoroughly cleaned and now it's the talk." She motioned to the chair and Ziva pulled her gown over and sat down.

"Is there something wrong?"

"Sadly yes, a lot is wrong." Anna was unsure of how to continue. "I don't need test results to see that you have been exposed to diseases. But hopefully we know by tomorrow and I can get you started on the appropriate medication to keep you safe. Luckily for you, 4 months is when symptoms start to develop or not even, and so we can catch this early. Now for the hard part, the first procedure I did for you was troubling; you have severe scar tissue. It will take about 3 months to get your menstrual cycle up and running again, there will be spotting and bleeding for the next 5 weeks and if it hasn't stopped; call me and I will help you. Sexual intercourse is out of the option for a few months and so you will just have to wait; it will be better than."

"That will not be an issue but thank you. Is there anything else?"

"I've taken samples and I will know more in the next few days. But right now that is all. While you change I will have a prescription for you to fill and I need you to take it immediately." Ziva was quick to change and even quicker out the door but not before Anna said something else. "Ziva, you are highly under nourished and so I need you to follow these instructions and follow it to the letter, alight. It is very important. I want to see you next month." She smiled and shook my hand.

Ziva walked out feeling terrible, she really wants to go back to Abby and shower. She walked through the hallways and found Abby's face in the surprisingly large crowd of strangers all waiting for their loved ones and then Tony. So shocked at his presence here and didn't know what to do with the new company. "Hello Tony, I am surprised to see you here…" she waited for him to say something and all he did was give his trade star grin.

"I was worried about you and wanted to know if you were ok, are you ok?"

"Yes, I just want to go home… or back to Abby and shower and just get into clean clothes. I am really embarrassed to be here looking like this." She didn't look at Tony; she kept her eyes on the floor.

"Well I am now happy to have brought you here now we can go home and get you cleaned up and become happy! Tony I will call you when we are home and you can come see us tomorrow."

Abby and Tony always hung out on their off days, and love each other's company being like family rather than friends. He smiled and said his byes and left, looking back for Ziva's face, figuring out what she was thinking.

**TIVA**

Back at Abby's house, Ziva unpacked all the medication, materials, and anti-biotic. "What's all this Ziva?" Abby was busy folding new laundry and looked at all of the things Ziva was given and hovered over the names. "Interesting, do you need help with doses, I am a scientist you know." Ziva looked at her and smiled.

"I would love that, it does not say specifically on the box. And Anna… my doctor told me it will be best if I start right away, do you mind… while I clean myself up?" Abby grabbed a pen and paper and started writing out the names alphabetically and the doses that are required. "Why do you need this?" Ziva went to her and held the tube of cream. This was for the scars… Ziva didn't even think of how she was going to put this on.

"When I finish in the bathroom, I will need your help."

Abby nodded wondering what was going on but carried on writing everything out. In total there were about 20 different types of medication. Abby was preparing spaghetti and meatballs while Ziva was in the bathroom. It felt like hours.

Ziva stood in the shower, and let the water wash over her finally. After 4 months of using a bucket and a dirty cloth and burning soap, just this was enough to make her smile even after everything. She watched the black water drain away and get replaced with clean water after about 30 minutes, that was just her body; her hair was worse and it was heavy and knotted and it smelled of sweat, dirt and rotten something. She couldn't believe she went out to the hospital like this.

"_Please let this be the worst of my life and let it be easy from now on with my real family."_

(In Hebrew)

When Ziva left the shower she spent some time brushing through her curls and tied it in a lose bun and gently patted herself dry. She stood in front of the long mirror and scanned over her broken, beaten body. She had a long, large bruise on the side where she broke her 2 ribs and the bruises on her neck was still forming as she was recently restrained, her legs were bruised and aching as well as her arms and feet. She had difficulty moving side to side because the wounds on her back were still severely damaged. She put on a robe she found behind the door, she forgot the cream so when she went out Abby immediately walked over to the table where the list stood.

"Okay, this… twice a day, and it needs to be covered with this anti-bacterial gauze and then it should heal perfectly, then when it starts to scab it needs to be open for it to breath." Abby smiled and went back to the food.

After 30 minutes Ziva came out wearing the pajamas Abby lent her. "Silly, your shirt is buttoned up backwards."

Ziva smiled and told her that that was the point she needed Abby's help with her back.

"I need you to put this cream on, um… Anna gave me surgical gloves. I can not reach and I would really appreciate it if you could put it on my wounds but please let me warn you… it is not a nice sight." Ziva sat on the edge of the table while Abby knelt on the floor; she put the surgical gloves on and started unbuttoning the top. Ziva heard the sucked in gasp, and was very embarrassed and so ashamed that this happened to her. What were her skills for if she didn't use them to prevent this from happening?

"Please tell me if I'm hurting you, these are really deep, did your doctor clean these?"

Abby was being very proficient and scientific.

"Yes she did, it was excruciating. But I will get used to it. Thank you for doing this, I know it is a lot to ask." Abby placed her hand on Ziva's shoulder and squeezed. Almost half of Ziva's back was covered with nasty cuts.

"What made this?" Abby knew weapons and was unsure of what made these.

Why did she want to know such details of such grotesque nature? Ziva found it awful to speak about.

"To get information out quicker, they used a Qilinbian and if they were bored they used a sjambok."

"I am so sorry, I wish this never happened. I wish you never let Tony, and Gibbs leave without you."

"Abby, I thought I needed time to see who I can trust again and I chose to go on that mission but I expected back up, I expected my father to bring me back. I wish I chose more wisely then, I truly wish so."

"You can trust us, we are your family and I will send Burt on you if you doubt that again." They laughed and Abby finished up. "Are there more that I need to attend to?"

Ziva stood up and shook her head; she headed quickly to the room to change the shirt around. "Thank you Abby, I have done the others… If I could ask you not to mention this, I would really appreciate it."

"Ziva of course, I will not say anything to anyone."


	3. Chapter 3

Abby never felt such fear, probably from moments at work but this fear was attacking her heart, her adrenaline was sky rocketing. That first scream awoke her from her slumber, it was loud because they shared her room; she almost fell out her coffin. Her head was spinning. She scanned the room for intruders but no one was there except for Ziva and herself.

Ziva was reliving those first night in the camp, in her black, dirty cell, being tormented through the door, food being thrown at her feet. Salem's men came in one by one ripping at her clothes, kicking her feet, pulling her hair hard. Abby watched her body shudder every few seconds with a few spasms. But the screams were getting louder, and Abby was hurting for her friend who had no control over anything at this moment. "Ziva, Ziva… wake up sweetie, Ziva! WAKE UP!" Abby started shaking while Ziva started pushing Abby away: "GET OFF, LEAVE ME ALONE… STOP, STOP!" Abby sat down on the mattress and started shaking her gently again.

"Ziva, its Abby, wake up. You are having a nightmare, wake up! You are safe!" when she did it that way, Ziva started calming, and opened her eyes and they quickly darted around the room and then at Abby.

"Abby! What is wrong?" Ziva sat up gently and was her face which was drenched in sweat.

"You were having a terrible nightmare, why don't you go have a cold shower while I make you some tea." Abby pulled the covers off and saw that the whole mattress was wet from sweat.

"I am so sorry Abby, I…uh … I am sorry." Ziva looked down and started wiping the mattress with tissue paper.

"Silly, it is a washable mattress and don't ever be sorry. Go get showered, I will have clean clothes for you… lucky I love collecting pajama's."

They laughed and parted.

**TIVA**

"Ziva, I spoke to the team the other night, and we were talking about taking turns accommodating you, would you like to do that?" they sat on the black sofa facing each other.

"I told you yesterday, I really do not want to put any burden on any of you… and besides, me and Tony need to work out our issues before I stay with him.

"Well, you can stay here for as long as you like, and maybe it is for the best, I'm sure you feel more comfortable with me rather than the guys?"

"What does that mean?"

"Your back, you will need help for a good couple of months. But anyway, you have had a long night, let's watch some T.V; get your mind off of things and I will wake you if you fall asleep, now sit in front of me, I need to put some more cream on."

Abby was a demanding woman but she was great, Ziva appreciated everything she was doing, rescuing her from telling anyone else what happened. And how Abby doesn't ask anything about what happened in the camp. Maybe at one point but not now, not during this time.

The girls ended up falling asleep, Abby behind Ziva while Ziva's head was on Abby's lap. When the screams started again, Ziva grabbed at Abby's hand and felt the nerves disappear. But that was not possible.

"Ziva, Ziva, wake up you are at my house, you are safe!" 10 minutes later Ziva finally woke up from Abby shaking her. They went back to the bedroom and fell asleep for the rest of the 4 hours that they had. Luckily Vance gave the whole team a week off. But Abby had work, but she was used to getting less than 6 hours of sleep, on a good day. This was only the first night so Abby was nervous as how the rest of the weeks will be.

**TIVA**

Wonder what the girls were doing Tony thought. Maybe a pillow fight in their underwear… no Abby would not do that… But Ziva I think she would. Tony spent the early hours of the morning thinking of Ziva, his heart beat faster the more he thought of her and he even shed a tear when he first saw her in Somalia. What were they going to do before Gibbs shot those men? Were they going to hurt her to get the information out? His phone rang… it was Abby.

"Morning Abs, how was your girl night? Any beautiful details you would like to share?"

"Morning Tony, I'm okay and very inappropriate. It was not the best night, I am traumatized."

Tony immediately sat up and focused. "What happened?"

"We had dinner and went to bed and maybe an hour later I swear I thought people were in the house, all I heard were screams and I saw that Ziva was shaking and freaking out. I was so scared. She was having nightmares for most of the night; I only got 3 hours of sleep. Tony I am not used to sadness."

"Why don't I take her in for the next while, I am off for a week and I don't want you to become unhappy. You know I love you but you need happy!"

"I know Tony, I did mention that we will accommodate her on shifts but she wants to sort out a few of your differences; and she feels more comfortable around a girl who can help her… um… yeah."

"Um… what, what aren't you telling me?"

Abby went completely off topic by saying while she is at work, Tony should come by and they can work out their problems.

"Is she still angry with me?"

"Maybe, she didn't really have time to grieve." They spoke about what Tony was going to do and say and she had to get ready for work. Ziva made Abby some coffee to say thank you for last night.

**TIVA**

Tony got changed and phoned Ziva.

"Ziva, morning how are you?"

"I am fine Tony. How are you?"

"All good, slept like a baby and you?"

"Yes I did too." First lie she has told Tony. "Did you want something?"

"I was wondering, can I come over, make you some breakfast and maybe catch up?"

"Uh… sure yes that will be nice."

Ziva was freshening up and quickly pulled on a robe of Abby's before opening the door to a surprisingly cheery Tony carrying a bag of what looked like food.

"Morning, are you ready for my aggettivo eccellente breakfast Panini?"

Ziva couldn't help but smile and cleaned the table for him to lay out everything he needed.

"Okay, let's get started." The whole time during the cooking, Tony told her the whole process and she didn't realize just how massive it was until it was ready and on her plate.

A while later, they finished their breakfast and they were both stuffed, Ziva even wanted more but was too embarrassed to say something. "Mm… mm... Tony that was delicious; I had no idea that you could cook?"

"Have you never tasted my cooking before now?" he was actually insulted, how did they never have dinner parties?

"I've had sandwiches that you made and you did cook when you had a get together a few years back. I guess I... I should have remembered I am sorry."

"Don't worry about it, anyway how are you?"

"I am fine Tony; you have asked me that already?" Ziva was trying to decide whether or not Tony was trying to what they say: "fish."

"Yes I know you're fine, but... you said you are fine like 10 times already and I'm not buying it, tell me what's going on in your head." Ziva suddenly stood up and started clearing up the plates and was shaking her head. "Ziva... look, I know we are not really... um like before because the whole Rivkin fiasco and I just really hope we can get past it one day."

"Tony, the... I was angry, you killed someone who I cared deeply, and when I saw the two of you lying there; I swear I wanted to shoot you but afterwards, after my time in Israel I realized you were protecting me from betrayal. And I wish I realized it before I took that Suicide mission. I wish I came back before everything happened." Tony felt a knot in his stomach; all he wanted to do was hold her in his arms. All he wanted to do was tell her that he will take care of her and be there for her. "Tony did you and the rest of the team want to accommodate me while I look for another place?"

"Yes, we just thought then you can come back and… trust us again." Ziva saw the look on Tony's face… worry, hope, sadness and maybe betrayal.

"I do, I trust all of you, but after that I forgot and I hope _you_ will forgive me for forgetting?"

They smiled and Tony of course said yes, how could he not?

"I can't not forgive you, it's not even a question; you did what you had to do. Ziva, I hope I'm not crossing a line or I hope I don't make you uncomfortable but I need to know something…" Tony's heart was racing; his mind was trying to figure out the best way to ask what was going to happen in that room before Gibbs pulled the trigger. Ziva, however, her heart was jumping out of her chest. What was he going to ask her?"

They sat in silence for a little while and Tony finally cleared his throat and started. "Right… um yes well right before Gibbs took that shot. They made you… stand and what were… what were they going to do?" Tony has never in his entire life lose his words, he spoke when he was nervous but now looking at her, her eyes revealed something he never saw in her… shame and panic. Should he go through with this?

Ziva actually wanted to giggle at the site of Tony now, he was so nervous. Like a boy trying to ask a girl out for the first time. But this was serious; he was asking her something very important.

"It's a technique of torture, especially if they have loved ones watching, it makes it more effective."

"Loved ones?" did Ziva think of him as a family member, which is definitely not what he wanted from her, crap! Was he in the friend zone?" dammit he should of waited for her to finish, is she going to tell him what he's been longing to ask?

"Yes Tony, it makes the people in the person's life want to tell the truth because someone they care about is in danger of being hurt. It is 100% effective."

"Why did you tell me that you can handle it?"

She shifted her weight. She did not want to deal with this.

"Tony, please I rather not talk about it." he tensed his jaw and smiled.

"Sure, sorry… my curiosity got the better of me. But look, since we are all off for a month. Director Vance called me this morning; he said he's bringing in a new team for the month while we all get a well needed rest and psych. Evaluations, paid leave baby!"

"1 month, I feel like I am going to die all over again, what am I going to do without work and exercise and oh my goodness?"

"Ziva, have you met me? I will keep you busy, and like I wanted to say is that, you can stay with me but only if you want, then I can easily keep you distracted." He winked and she didn't know what to say.

"Tony you are sweet but no thank you… Abby said I can stay here."

"Ziva, you like honesty so I'm going to give it to you?" this is probably going to really kill her. "Abby called in a panic, you really scared her last night and she doesn't know how to act around you, she wants to act like before but she can't that's why I offered my place. I can handle everything you throw at me and I will be here for you from now on and I will not let you go again, not if I have anything to do with it." he watched her and she was silent for a really long time, "and I have something for you." He walked over to his wallet on the table by the door. "When we went to your house to investigate I couldn't just let this be forgotten or have you think it was missing but_" he was digging and pulled out a piece of paper that was crispy around the edges and was tinged yellow. He gave it to Ziva and she had to catch her breath, her heart made a skip and tears welled in her eyes. It was that picture of her mother, and Tali when she was born; it still had the label on the back: _the day our family was complete with baby girl Tali, I love you sweet __malach__,_

Ziva stood and looked at Tony with adoration. "You have no idea how much I am grateful to you, this is the only piece of my home that I wished was not lost. You saved my life and now you saved my memory." She slowly walked over to him and put her hand on his cheek and spoke quietly in Hebrew: _you are a kind man who deserves someone better than me." _Ziva spoke that as a statement of friendship. Tony tightened his jaw and hoped she didn't hear his heart beating faster as she held her hand on his face. He moved to put his hand over hers but she quickly moved away.

"So are you considering my offer?"

"Tony… trust me when I say I do not want to bring pain to Abby, but… there are other factors involved. I need assistance with things that I do not want you to know about."

"Things like what?" Tony tried but failed.

"Okay Ziva, but my offer stands; you should call me if you need me like I said I will be there." They ended their morning and Tony left but before he did Ziva stopped him.

"Tony, my Doctor says that I am not able to do strenuous exercise, but the mall is not really exercise, but I would really like to buy a new wardrobe and was hoping you would come with me; just to spend the day doing something random and distracting." It was a long shot but he said nothing and smiled.

"I'll wait while you change." He went to sit down and Ziva went to the bedroom, she felt really awkward going through Abby's closet and luckily when she gets some new clothes she'll be feeling way better. She found black pants that were way too simple for Abby, and slip on shoes that luckily covered her feet. She found skull tops everywhere, so she settled for a tank top and looked for a wrap; she found one with white skulls all over it. Nothing about this was her but not for too long.

"Wow, version of Abby, ha-ha you look so different and very, very pretty." Ziva blushed, but quickly grabbed for her things and left with him and left a note on Abby's door; _"Abby, out with Tony. Need clothes… do not worry, when I shop big, you will come with me." _

In the mall they looked weird walking next to each other, not touching or goofing around, but Ziva definitely didn't need that Tony thought, his feelings were so overwhelming that he had to force his hand away from hers.

"Tony, where can I meet you after I shop in this store," She stood awkwardly while he looked at her strangely.

"Why would I go to another shop…"

"This is a… underclothes store Tony, do not push your luck in thinking I will parade in front of you." She made him laugh, she liked hearing him laugh. They parted ways, and Ziva self-consciously walked into the lingerie store, usually her head would be held high.

"May I help you ma'am?"

"Oh, um… no, no thank you I am fine."

"Just shout when you do?" the lady who worked in the story was really nice, big eyes and petite mouth, long brown hair with a tattoo all up her leg. Tony would really like her, why did that statement make Ziva feel annoyed. I mean he could be with anyone, we are not together.

Ziva first searched through the underwear section, and decided to buy too many, she liked plain panties that were bikini types and a few thongs as well. Then over to the bras, she had to be measured to properly see her size. "Excuse me, how can I measure myself, to see my size?"

"Well, I do work in that area as well, measuring and everything of you would like me to do it for you. And I am also very good at guessing. Seeing half naked women every day, I became excellent." she laughed at that and looked at me. "May I guess, or measure?" Ziva said that the woman can guess. They went into the changing room and Ziva pulled open her wrap and moved to the side.

"I've recently lost a lot of weight, so it might be hard to_"

"32C. Should I get you a few selections?"

"Yes please, but nothing to showy, just plain." Ziva maybe sat there for 3 minutes when a hand came over the door with two handfuls of bras. "Oh wow, thank you."

"Let me know."

She tried on all 6 bras but only really liked 4 of them. So she came out with a smiling woman in front of me. "I really like these 4, I just want to go through pajamas and then I will pay."

"Let me take all of this for you and keep it at the desk." Ziva walked through the pajama's section and though it was hot as a desert outside, there were luckily winter pajamas. She went through a few and found a black silk top with think silk sleeves, perfect for winter and summer, not to hot and not to cold. For nights maybe alone at Abby's house, she pulled out small silk black lady boxers, but also long pants that looked so shiny. Lastly she looked for socks and slip on slippers. Her feet were in no condition to be seen.

"This will do, thank you very much for your help and excellent guessing." Ziva started to pull out her wallet when Tony walked in.

"So what sexiness did you buy?" he wore his cocky grin. "Ooo silky…." He started stroking the top she had just purchased.

"Not for you…"

Tony gave her a questioning look.

"Not for anyone Tony, I like silky pajamas."

"Fine, hide them away." He just stared and then nodded to the very attractive woman but couldn't keep his eye off of Ziva. Even the woman was making nervous mistakes. She gave Tony bedroom eyes but to Ziva's surprise, he kept staring at her clothes and when he realized that all eyes were on him. "What other clothes do you need Ziva?"

"I do not want to buy everything today; Abby will probably kill me if I do this without her so just 3 or 4 shirts and pants and definitely shoes." She thanked the woman who helped her and all she could say was jumbles of "oh, yea, cool, sure, bye sir, ma'am."

"Tony, are you not missing something?" Ziva found his off behavior around attractive woman unsettling. She had to ask.

"Um… nope I don't think so…. and really… "are you not" C'mon Ziva you're in America, it's aren't you." Ziva couldn't help but laugh; she missed him correcting her English.

"Tony, my English is fine, oh no did you not see how gorgeous that woman was in that store?"

"Ziva, that whole store had beautiful woman inside, but you are by far the most beautiful." she clutched at her other hand, and tried to slow her fast beating heart.

He cleared his throat and pointed to a Top shop. "How about that shop, that looks really nice?"

They walked in and immediately Ziva felt okay, she found beautiful sleeved tops, luckily the scars stopped just a little after her elbows so these half sleeves were also really nice. Ziva pulled out plan tight fitting tops out, some navy blue, some black, some white. She hated bright, bright clothes but Yellow was an exception. "Be a little more diverse Ziva, what about these?" he pulled up tank tops that had the x back and I really liked them, so she grabbed a few of them. All she needed were small cardigans to cover her arms. At the end of the next hour, she had tried all the trousers she found on and shoes, and Tony took her to lunch. They ate at a delicious Italian place, to Tony's surprise he found that Ziva did really enjoy Italian food which made his heart squeeze. Man! He was really falling for her now.


	4. Chapter 4

**Been awhile since I've updated, sort of forgot the plot I was going for.**

**College is a madhouse so truly sorry for the wait, let me know what you think**

**Thanks for the reviews; I appreciate it a lot… **

"Well I think we made progress! Now you won't need to wear all Abby's clothes, I think you can only wear so much death in 2 days." Tony chuckled and started going through the bags, and grinned very happily when he lifted up all her delicates. He didn't bother putting them down and Ziva found this terribly embarrassing; especially when she tried getting them back. "Ziva, who are you trying to impress… do you and Abby get up to… things at night?"

"Tony…" she shook her head, and had to wink… spurring him on. "You are definitely not old enough to know that."

His eyes opened wider but kept quiet, kept his now travelling thoughts to himself of what Abby and Ziva got up to at night. His mind wandered while Ziva folded her new clothes away.

"Tony… I need to speak to you about something… uh…"

His mind was quiet now only focusing on her mouth, waiting for her to speak again.

"I will need to speak to Abby too, I still have what you said about her in my mind, and I hate making her feel sad and afraid is your… is your offer still standing?"

Tony couldn't help but grin at this, of course he was still hoping for her to change her mind; all he wanted to do was keep her safe and distract her. Maybe change her views about me as well.

"Well, Ziva, since you are so cute when asking this of _moi_ then yes the offer still stands, whenever you want to make the move, there is more than enough room for you."

She showed a small smile and carried all her new clothing to the room.

They sat in comfortable silence while watching TV. Tony even made them delicious sandwiches that he claims of creating himself.

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Abby got home a couple hours after Tony left and was confronted by a very nervous Ziva at the table. Dinner was still in the process of being made and it smelled wonderful.

"How was your day…Abby?"

"As good as any, but did miss my team members, how was your day?"

They sat at the table staring at each other.

"Tony came by, we sorted things out and he helped me pick out a few clothes at the mall, just the necessary things; he did bring to my attention of something that I wish I never caused… you being scared?"

"Oh no, no Ziva, he obviously misunderstood."

"I don't think so. And so he offered his place. And even though I wish I could stay here, I think it would be best if I took him up on his offer."

"Just because I had a panic attack, Ziva that's nothing really."

"Exactly, I see the way you look at me, I do not want to cause you pain Abby, I could not bear it."

"What about your medical needs, surely you would need help?"

"That is something I am dealing with as we speak. You are my friend, and I will not stand by while I hurt you."

That was the end of the conversation, Abby was showing sadness on the outside, but pure relief on the inside; and she was Goth yes, but a happy Goth.

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The next day Tony opened his door to a defeated Ziva with a big bag slung over her shoulder.

"I spoke to her, and I am not stupid, she is happy I have decided to go." On the inside, Ziva was upset that Abby was happy to see her go, but what could she do, watch how that weird, happy Goth turn into a sad heap of panic.

"She is not happy to see you go, she just wants to help."

He led her to her new room, it was a big room equipped with a large double bed and an armoire, there was also a vanity mirror with fresh flowers. The walls were a light shade of purple and the sheets were emerald green.

"Tony this is your guestroom?"

"Yes, are you going to take a cheap shot at my décor?"

"No, this is beautiful. I did not know you had it in you."

Tony smiled at her while she looked around. He worked on this room ever since Abby called him.

"I am making my famous Spaghetti and meat balls, so please unpack. The bathroom is down the hall to your right; yes just make yourself at home." He placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. And soon let go when he saw her flinch. What was going on? He always did that and she always smacked him for it now she can't stand to have him touch her.

What happened?

Dinner was quiet, to Tony's disbelief. Their relationship was so strained, he couldn't stand it, he felt like he couldn't joke around as much about her, she never argued much back when they did have a heated discussion.

"Tony, this is really good." That's about as much as she spoke that night; she would just nod along to what he said and to what he wanted to do.

Ziva wanted to take a shower, she wanted to wash away the dirt, the grim, the blood off her skin, and she felt disgusting. She excused herself to the bathroom. It was the first time in there and she couldn't help but notice how clean Tony actually was; so why was he such a slob at work, maybe to keep up his 'cool dude' appearance. The toilet was a yellow shade with white tiles and a bright yellow mat, the shower was huge and so was the bath. All his things were neatly packed in a dark blue box. She quickly shed her clothes and jumped in the shower immediately scrubbing away the filth, all the grim she felt on her legs, on her chest, her neck. She could not stand this. 'Will this be my life now?' her hair was another story, it felt sticky, it's like she could still smell the dried blood. She washed her hair 4 times and her body 5. Until she felt remotely clean, not close but close enough. When she ended up in front of the mirror she almost cracked a smile when she suddenly saw her scars and her bruises. She willed herself not to punch right through the glass. 'this is Tony's home, not mine… remember that Ziva!'

She left the room in her silk long bottoms with a towel wrapped around her front. She cleared her throat, and saw Tony's face turn from stunned to a ball of strained nerves seeping from his pores.

"I need help." It killed her just to say these things, she hated showing weakness.

"Anything." His trust in her, his immediate responses to her questions and favors leave her thinking she should not have come to stay with him.

"Thank you Tony, would you put this cream on my back." She was just about to put it in his hands when she clutched it to her chest, "It is something personal only Abby knows bout and I wish for your discretion." Placing it in his open hand, he reads the label and sees the horrified look on her face before she turns to sit in front of him. This is the most intimate they ever been, since her return. Why can't this be easy for him, but when she has her back to him he finally looks down from the back of her head to her back and is fronted with the picture of pure horridness. The scars mares her back like a canvas, some are larger and longer than others, some her deeper.

"Ziva_" he couldn't voice his concern, the lump in in throat would let him. "Tell me… if … I … if I hurt you."

Ziva could only nod as silent tears fell from her eyes, the scars were the proof of torture yes, but the humiliation of asking people to tend to them was the real torture. In her eyes, but too many this is the proof of strength and survival. What bullshit.

The cream was cold against the heat that was radiating from her wounds; Tony's fingers were feather light. His eyes were stinging with tears he held back. He was not going to make this hard.

After 25 minutes of painful healing, Tony squeezed her shoulder once more before she flinched of course, she nodded and smiled and left. She went back to the bathroom and got to work on her front, the scars on her chest and stomach weren't that bad, they wouldn't scar badly. The bruising would take time, they were everywhere. Her body showed what she desperately wanted to hide, her unbearable pain.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey, I saw how many views I got for this story, and I want to apologize to those who liked this story and are waiting for more, and I've just been so busy and to be honest, I've lost the plot, review and give me some suggestions. I would love the help **

**xoxox**


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